Thanksgiving history
Thanksgiving history is a tale worth telling especially in a humorous manner. For instance, did you know that the first Thanksgiving was held in 1621 on a big rock on the east coast and was highlighted when a Native American drove the first Plymouth into the middle of the festivities?
A little known fact in the history of Thanksgiving is that John Wayne narrated the event saying things like, "Well Pilgrim, I see your still protecting the ladies" and "Hey, Pilgrim, hand me those mashed potatoes won't you?"
As a narrator, John Wayne had a James Earl Jones quality about him, only different.
Thanksgiving history states that the first gathering among the pilgrims (Fred and Ethel Pilgrim, that is) and the Winnebago Indians, took place in 1621, as previously stated, and was regarded as a harvest festival event though there were few hippies and Jesus Freaks and rock bands at the time.
Following a harsh winter in 1620, followed by a drought, prayers for rain, and a rain that came down like cats and dogs, the autumn harvest festival featured fine foods such as turkey, giblets, gravy, mashed potatoes, lettuce, turnip & pea. Pheasants and swans were also offered and ironically, no one wanted the turkey wishbone at that time, but the kids all fought over the swan's neck.
Thanksgiving history, according to scholars, was an autumn harvest festival and was a time of overeating, dancing, drinking and merriment, which was strictly forbidden by the pilgrims' puritanical religion at the time and doomed all of the participants to an eternal life in hell or a life of wearing those ridiculous costumes with buckles on their shoes, whichever, they individually deemed harsher. The history of Thanksgiving states that pilgrims and Indians played games such as rugby, Native American soccer, badminton and Jarts.
Some older accounts of Thanksgiving history state that Pocahontas joined Captain Myles Standoffish for the first Thanksgiving celebration, but revisionist history states this isn't so as Pocahontas actually died just a few short years before the first celebration.
According to new data in regards to the history of Thanksgiving, it is now known that the body of Pocahontas was dug up for the celebration and propped up at the end of the table. She was regarded as the wise old aunt who barely spoke a word and probably had a buzz on as she was smiling the whole time.
Again in 1621, Governor William Bradford declared Thanksgiving Day as a national holiday, but since the Revolutionary War had yet to take place, no one knew what this meant.
In wasn't until George Washington was President in 1789, that he had the power, after the Revolutionary War to declare Thanksgiving as a national holiday.
After doing so, George promptly bit into a huge turkey leg and split in two his fine wooden teeth.
So, there you have the history of Thanksgiving, albeit one that is factually incorrect, full of misinformation, misdirection, miscellany and downright lies. You were actually expecting the truth? For more factually incorrect, yet humorous information regarding Thanksgiving history, check out the rest of this site. Or, not, since we don't care. We're like that, you know. In case you didn't, well now you do. And do with this what you will.
Thanksgiving Jokes
Why did the turkey cross the road? To get to the other side .
Why do you eat a turkey rather than keep it as a pet? Because otherwise it will use fowl language on you.
If pilgrims were alive today, what would they say? Do not resuscitate.
If April shower bring May flowers, what do Mayflowers bring? Pilgrims and furniture.
Why don't you let a turkey get near corn? Because they will gobble, gobble, gobble it.
What do you call it when you drop a turkey from a helicopter? Dead weight.
What do you call it when you drop a turkey from a helicopter? Dead weight.
What do you call the age of a pilgrim? Pilgrimage.
What kind of cars would pilgrims drive today? Plymouth.
What kind of tan did pilgrims get at the beach? Puritan.
What kind of face does a pilgrim make when he's in pain? Pil-grimace.
What's the smallest unit of measurement in the pilgrim cookbook? Pilgram.
What's a pilgrim's mother called? Pilgranny.
In what country is Thanksgiving ironically not celebrated? Turkey.
What do you call a pilgrims vocabulary? Pilgrammar.
What do Thanksgiving and Halloween have in common? One has gobblers, the other goblins.
If you call a large turkey a gobbler what do you call a small one? Goblet.
What was the turkey suspected of? Fowl play.
Hear about the turkey that evaded the Indian? It had an arrow escape.
What is Thanksgiving for selfish people called? Thankstaking.
What do you call the evil being that comes to get pilgrims? PilGrim Reaper.
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